Friday, August 03, 2007

It is a kids' game, after all.

Every now and then some sort of argument will arise regarding athletes, salaries, and privilege. It's inevitable with every round of new high-power contract negotiations, or whenever some kid announces he's either leaving college after his freshman year to "pursue his dream" or worse, declaring as professional after graduating high-school.

In the US, this phenomenon of kids becoming pros tends to be restricted to the NBA. However, abroad, particularly in Merry Olde England, it's the realm of football. Oh, it's had it's appearance in soccer here in the US, with underage phenom Freddy Adu signing with the DC United at 14. But England is showing us that we, when it comes to speculating in kiddie-athletic prowess, are mere pikers.

Manchester United, the Montreal Canadiens of the Premier League, have signed 9-year old Rhain Davis, to a contract.

Yep. 9. A kid that still cries if he skins his knee, and who believes that crawling completely under his bed covers will protect him from monsters at night.

Oh sure, the kid's got skills. Check out the YouTube video below to see him shred defenses and leave other 9 and 10 year old boys scattered on the pitch, embarrassed, ashamed, and at the mercy of heaps of humiliation at the hands of their over-competetive fathers.




The thing is, while this kid is obviously ahead of the curve, it seems that he merely looks amazing in comparison to kids who are obviously still kind of new to this whole idea of kicking a round ball.

And it makes sense. See, this kid is a Pom living in Oz. Now, soccer is not the big thing in Oz. As my mate from Melbourne tells me, Cricket, Rugby, and Aussie Football are the kings down there. In fact, soccer has only started to gain any real traction as a result of the surprising showing the Socceroos had in Germany last year. So, the chances are most of these kids are in their first or second year playing, while Rhain hails from footy-mad England, and has a father who would run him through dribbling, passing, and shooting drills for hours since the boy could balance on his two feet, and who would withhold both food and clothing, while threatening to force the boy to eat Kidney Pie and other British "cuisine" as punishment for mistakes.*

The punch-line is, this isn't a rare occurrence. According to a Man U spokesman, "[Man U] signs about 40 players of Davis's age every year [to it's developmental academy] and, as is standard, will decide annually whether to renew his contract or release him."

Reports that Davis is better behaved and less prone to tantrums than Wayne Rooney are as yet unconfirmed. Though nobody doubts it.

Ook ook

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* That's just a guess on my part, but having met a few Englishmen, I would venture to say it's probably accurate.

4 comments:

Falling on a bruise said...

I could not possibly give a balanced and objective view on Man Utd because of all the teams presently kicking a ball about in this country, Man Utd are the one team i would gladly strap to a rocket and send to the moon.
With that in mind i can freely state what a bunch of tossers they are.

Cheezy said...

Oh no... another one from over the pond who doesn't like prime British offal! Tisk tisk... Now steak & kidney pudding isn't as good as steak & oyster pudding, I'll give you that. But it's still brilliant! Come on over and we'll get some jellied eels and pigs trotters down you too :-p

Anyway, I'm another ManUre hater so I hope, if this kid develops a career, that he plays (a) brilliantly for England, and (b) shite for ManUre.

Sadly, it usually works the other way round.

Anonymous said...

Yeesh. These guys must be England's answer to the Green Bay Packers.

Anonymous said...

Ummm, yeah. I see the distinction. :-)