Thursday, July 26, 2007

The difference between cats and dogs

I know, it's an eternal debate with no resolution.

I know, it's completely subjective.


I know, it's an invalid comparison, and only serves to start arguments.

I know, it uses absolutes to discuss nuance.


Still, there is a difference between cats and dogs. Setting aside the oft remarked personality traits of aloof versus social, cunning versus borderline brain-damaged, and regal versus sloppy, there is another difference between cats and dogs.


Evidently, dogs save lives -


Good dog!

While cats take lives.


I is the angel of death

Now, any dog person wouldn't be the least surprised to learn a 5lb speck of a dog would leap to the rescue of a piece of crotchfruit and take rattlesnake bites, but even the most rabid cat-haters would do a bit of a double-take at hearing about a cat moonlighting for the grim reaper. Personally, I never thought of cats as being bloodthirsty killers - I just thought they weren't as much fun as dogs. Now, it seems, they are also far more dangerous. I mean, a Pit Bull has to put in some effort and actually maul someone to kill them, but this cat just has to lay down in bed next to you to bring about the final curtain.

So what's the deal with this cat? Is he in tune with the supernatural realm, or is he the feline incarnation of Ted Bundy?
If Oscar were a nurse in this institution he'd be up on mass murder charges and facing a crowd carrying pitchforks and torches screaming for his head. Whatever the case, if I were around him I would be sure to keep as far away as possible. Just having this kitty circle your ankles while purring could mean a broken hip, or a heart attack.

If only there were some way to ship Oscar to the White House and have him sleep with Georgie, Dickie, and Condie ...

Ook ook

4 comments:

Falling on a bruise said...

Cats and i have an understanding, i stay away from them and they keep their sharp claws away from me.
I have a similar arrangements with
born again christians.

Anonymous said...

I just read the article from The Daily Mail about this cat. Doesn't surprise me, as they are very sensitive to moods, illness. I've had many freak out, exhibit high levels of 'caretaking' behaviour when I've been very sick. It's so damned endearing. And the picture's so cute...envision Colbert going gaga over Knut.

O' Tim said...

I suppose it doesn't hurt to have a cat in a nursing home. It couldn't make it smell much worse ;)

rl - yes, I would prefer a baby polar bear of death myself.

Anonymous said...

I also guffawed over the crotchfruit business. Friggin' whacko, Monkey Man.