The Crimes of Paris

You know, there’s a reason LA is the entertainment capital of the world. Nobody does sappy and over-the-top melodrama like we can.

New York’s grittiness? Feh. Rome’s history and culture? Bah. London’s sophistication? Dull.

We got a screaming and crying Paris Hilton being dragged back to jail, about 36 hours after being released for some really nebulous reason:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Paris Hilton was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying on Friday after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case.

"It's not right!" shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom!" she called out to her mother in the audience.

That's hot!

Yeah, baby.

But it got me thinking. Despite the opportunity for orgasmic schadenfreude here, I am actually finding myself almost feeling sorry for our femme fatale. No, strike that. Not sorry, but somewhat sympathetic toward.

Don’t get me wrong, when the judge first smacked her smug, vapid, privileged face (complete with wonky eye, nose more fitting for a swordfish than human, and face long enough to serve as landing strip for small planes), I thought it was good.

That's not

And she deserved it. She seemed to believe that the law didn’t apply to her, as she was caught twice behind the wheel of a car after having her license suspended. And, the 23 days of her initial jail sentence, while on the long end, certainly didn’t seem extreme. I wonder how 45 must feel.

However, what has happened in the last two days is just the stuff of pure mondo bizzarro. And I don’t blame our beloved little Paris at all. If any of us were in her shoes, and our slick, $5000 per hour mouthpiece managed to spring us after only three days, we would jump at it. Nor do I blame her lawyer. That bastard gets his fat salary because he’s good at what he does, and what he does is vigorously and rabidly represent his client.

The blame falls on the Los Angeles County Sherriff’s Department for being so completely stupid as to think no one would care that little miss “that’s hot” would be let out because she didn’t like jail. If anything, the mensa member who concocted her release should be made to serve the 45 days along with our delicate little Paris.

LA Sherriff's spokesman, Steve Whitmore, pissing on our shoes but trying to tell us it's really just rain

This sort of backdoor shenanigans might have flown 10 years ago, but the public, even here in LA, is finally tired of seeing so-called celebrities get away with things. And poor little Paris, perhaps the perfect example of everything wrong about LA (stupid, rich, uncaring, self-absorbed, spoiled, and utterly clueless) was made the metaphorical piñata that we finally were able to beat to a pulp.

Still, I can’t say I’m not grinning at least a little. In a way this is really just a small adjustment, where Karma has finally decided to wake up and take charge. The sad thing is, you know none of this will actually reach the depth (if there is one) of Paris and have the effect of her reconsidering her life and her actions. More than likely she’ll be even more a little brat, and is convinced that all this totally unfair, and is happening not because her actions warranted some sort of punishment, but because everyone else in the world is just jealous of her.

But she’s back in jail, crying and wailing, and wondering why god has abandoned her, and I’m getting ready to enjoy a perfect LA weekend.

Now that’s hot!

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