An Open Letter to Sen Boxer & Feinstein

To the Honorable Sens Boxer and Feinstein;

As you know, we the people of the great state of California aren't very fond of President Bush. In fact, most of us think our idiot boy-king is a complete embarrassment, and deserves to be trussed up, stipped naked, shaved clean, and sent on an ice floe into the Arctic Sea.

And, apparently, you do too. At least, it sure does seem like it some times, the way you talk about him.

Well, now's your chance to put your money where your mouths are. You have a stark choice: walk the walk by supporting Sen. Feingold's censure of Bush, or cower in fear like the school nerd at the approach of a gang of jocks looking to do some locker-stuffing.

Prove that the two of you actually posess a spine! I mean, that good speechifying of yours - you know, talking loudly and bravely about how bad Pres. Bush is, and how he must be stopped, etc etc etc - is something someone with conviction, courage, and integrity would do. But, talking is easy (look at me), it's the doing that takes balls.

You know, I had a friend in college once (trust me, this is on topic), who loved to go into great detail about every date on which he'd go. As soon as he got back to the dorm we would gather in his room with a frosty twelve pack of beer, and listen as he would tell us about that night's conquest. He'd describe the cut of her dress, the degree of laciness of her panties, whether she wore hose or not, how soft her skin was, if she was shaved, how she would move as they kissed, if she would go down on him, whether she would moan softly or scream out, how talented she was with her parts ... you get the idea.

Anyway, it was after one particularly lurid description, involving soy sauce and finger puppets, that we found out he had been lying all the time. This master lover was a masturbater. He was still a virgin. The most he had done is french kiss and cop a feel - not even real tit, but bra! One of my other friends summed him up in five words: He Talks A Great Fuck.

Well, unless you support the Feingold censure, that's what you two will be doing, talking a great Fuck. Unfortunately, that just doesn't cut it anymore. As Nixon reportedly told Ike when he was waffling about having him as the running mate in '56, "It's time for you to shit or get off the pot." By supporting Sen Feingold and his move to officially censure the president over the illegal (and immoral) wiretapping of Americans, you will be taking a giant steamer all over those who would sacrifice our civil rights to fearmongers and despots. If not, then you may as well just get back on your knees with your lips puckered, waiting for Prince George to drop trou and present his ass for a good kissing.

Make us proud. Take that shit.

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